Currently Reading Comfort and Joy By Jim Grimsley see related

I have a babysitting job tonight. I don't want to, but i need the money. I have the second part of my interview tomorrow. I don't want to go, but I need the job. I want to watch sappy romantic movies and cry and eat cookies and cream ice cream right from the container. That's just the hormones talking though.

I've been reading Comfort and Joy all day. It's made me want to cry and want to scream and want to throw the book down, while at the same time making my stomach twist into knots and my heart flutter. If it's possible, I'd like to live in a book. If I lived in a book, right about now I'd find out that the perfect boy for me was right there. And we'd fall in love. And the epilouge would talk about the boarding house we own after all the kids have moved out. We would live our own version of Happily. In case you didn't know, I don't live in a book.

The sun is out (at least until it sets), and I don't have enough time to go to the park and loose myself in a daydream.

I'm getting 100% in my Religion class. No surprise there.

Catherine pointed out that today is 15 days till my birthday. I had totally forgotten.

After I put Melissa to bed tonight I plan on reading more of my romantice gay love story.

I still miss you... Even though I've never met you.

Currently Listening If You're Not the One By Daniel Bedingfield "If You're Not The One" see related

Heart-wrenchingly romantic music makes my stomach twist into knots.

There are boys and girls whose eyes make me think of a time before people were tainted.

Blue skies and highs above 50 make me want to run.

I still dream about that afternoon we spent in the woods. I'm worried that we'll never get that back.

I'd love nothing more than to drive with you in your car on a blamy summer evening with the windows rolled down and our music being carried away on the breeze.

I'm afraid of living in the passive voice.

My glasses make me feel better about myself.

If you loved me, I would cry. But I haven't met you yet, and you could be around any corner.

For as much as I push the spotlight away from myself, I love to revel in it.

I'm a firm believer in true loves, true lusts, soulmates (and having more than one), and midnight serenades.

You could throw pebbles at my window and I'd sleep through it. But I'd make it up to you with a midnight drive, a bouquet of flowers you can't name, the stars seen from under power line towers, a real honest to goodness smile.

You're more beautiful than you think you are, but I won't be the one to tell you that. I'll leave that gift for someone you might believe.

I knew it was over before you did. But you didn't want to fight and neither did I. So, we just gave up. I'm OK with that.

Even though you died two years ago, I still have nightmares where your death is my fault. Even though there's absolutely no way it could be.

My mother could logic me out of anything. That's why I don't tell her so much anymore.

I want to fall in love. All the time.

Currently Reading Six American Poets : An Anthology (Vintage) see related

Despite the fact that today I felt decidedly unbeautiful and ungraceful, I made it through the day. I gave my history presentation. Improved it all, made people laugh, like always. I never prepare for presentations.

Everyday feels less and less like winter. We might be creeping toward springtime.

I made a puppet of myself last night. I'm just that damn random.

Let's dance.

Currently Listening Ocean Avenue By Yellowcard "View From Heaven" see related

Not the worst day ever, but let's chalk it up on the Daniel Powter side of the fence. I'm frustrated and tired. I want to SCREAM. So, I went to the park. But my batteries died almost instantly (brand fucking new too. Less than 12 hours in my CD player. Elctronics hate me and I'm beginning to hate them back), so I Screamed "FUCK ME!" in frustration (a habit I picked up from my mother no less). I looked up and there's this little 30-something couple walking their stupid little dog, staring at me with their eyebrows resting at their hairlines and it was all I had to not cry. I've been holding in tears all day. Like when I realized that I wouldn't have the same math teacher next year. Mrs. Brill rocks and she's the only teacher who's ever taught me math in a way that makes perfect sense (Even when I'm not paying attention). Next year I'll be in another class (pre-calculus advanced). Then when I came home and my dad said that he might have a job interview. But if he got the job we'd be moving. Or this morning when my little brother told me he was sure I was incapable of making "real Friends" (Meaning people who I see on a daily basis and go out with in the evenings or on weekends). There's nothing better to set the tone of your day than your brother telling you that you're socially innept and a social reject. I took more pictures of powerlines today. At the park. I went under the towers and took pictures from a lower vantage point as opposed to my usual bus-window placement. The only song I'm dying to hear is "Empty Apartment" by Yellowcard. I play it over and over, but it just hurts as bad.

"It's OK to be angry and never let go./ It only gets harder the more that you know/ When you get lonely/ if no one's around/ you know that I'll catch you when you're falling down/ we came together/ but you left alone/ and I know how it feels to walk out on your own."-Yellowcard

I'm perfectly miserable with what seems like no good reason. I'm swooning for springtime. I'm trying to get into AP English. But so are LOB sub1 and LOB sub2 and heaven knows that I need another class with them. I wrote the teacher a paragraph about Langston Hughes's poetry and how he takes my breath away with easy words and easier sentiments. It makes me want to fall in love more and more. I always want to fall in love though, so I do. I'm always in and out of in love. But now I'm in between. I'm learning to be in love with myself and who I am. Because I'm quirky and funky and funny and a far cry from vanilla pudding.

Sad girl. Sitting here. Waiting for my phone to ring. But right now I'd rather have an e-mail, with a song attached. Because I'm so attached to you.